There used to be a time when I only had one screen on my desk. Yes, people under 30, that did happen. The horror, I know.
I sit here reminiscing about how recruiters found candidates and filled requisitions. I mean — one screen! It was like we were Amish or something.
Those were the days before work-life balance meant not working and just doing what you wanted (dark days to be sure). Now, we work when and where we want, only held back by our Netflix queue and the amount of caffeine we can inject directly into our veins. Screens? We got screens. The question now is: How many can you handle?
Don’t fret, baby birds. I’m here to give you Sackett’s Screen Guide for 2016:
Let’s be serious for a second. If you have one screen, you’re either about to retire, or you’re not even trying to fill requisitions and do your job. One screen should be a new felony in the workplace. If you’re using one screen, you either get put out to pasture or get life without parole.
Two screens are the new minimum. Two screens say, “Hey, look, I’m trying, but at least I’m not committing a workplace felony!” Two screens represent the entry-level newbie at the company level. Give him a break, okay? He’s fresh out of school and has only been here a week. He’ll be up to three screens before his probationary period ends.
Yeah, thanks for reaching for average. That’s okay. The world needs ditch diggers, too. Three screens say that you’re trying, just not hard enough, to figure out how to put four screens on your five-foot cube desk. About 90 percent of your workers should have three screens, or someone in HR (who probably has two screens) needs to get fired.
Welcome to the show, kid! Here’s where we start separating the zombies from the hustlers. Four screeners change the world. There are two types of four-screeners: Those with a cube formation, and those that keep all four in-line. Either way, they’re better than you. I find my cubers like to stand and work while the in-liners like swivel chairs.
Oh, you fancy, huh? Five screens is so 2016 that it’s 2017. There’s a good chance the radiation off of five screens will reduce your overall lifespan, but who cares? You’re winning! Those last 10 adult-diaper-wearing years are awful, anyway. Just ask the one-screeners. Five screens is the new black, so HR and recruiting departments better increase their office equipment budgets for next year!
Six screens is my personal favorite. I like the symmetry of it. Three on the top, three on the bottom. A warm wall of productivity is just staring right back at you. You can hide behind six screens. You can binge watch “The Walking Dead,” “Orange is the New Black” and “Homeland” all at the same time while checking email, moving a candidate through your ATS, and sourcing on CareerBuilder! Six screens shouts sexy and powerful — everything you truly want to be in HR.
Computer screens as a benchmark.
I have a feeling that for the first time, in 2016, we’ll begin seeing the number of screens as a performance metric for recruiters in many companies.
Look, Tim, we like what you’ve been doing with three screens, but come on, it’s time to step it up already!
So, I’ll ask you: what is your favorite screen configuration for 2016? Don’t even bother in the comments if you have two or less.